That Damn Amp!!!!!!!!!

Sigh… it did it again. For those of the six billion of you who read my blogs every time they come out. I know you have read about my amp (line 6 Vetta II), and how it is insidiously evil and has been responsible for some of the most violent crimes in the history of the world from its beginning. You will also remember how the amp was forged in hell by the devils artisans, and what that sort of crap (substitute the word shit if you please) does to the mind of an amp. Anyway, the thing is evil, and like a small child, throws its tantrum whenever it doesn’t get its way. At the most recent Riot Inside show a speaker burst into flames halfway through our song Away, the crew thought it was an accident, but anyone who knows Riot inside knows that my amp had something to do with it. This is what happened when Riot Inside played in front of Local H on Friday.

1. Riot Inside drives from their space around 6pm. While driving on the road, anyone unfortunate enough to cut off the “Great God Lew Jones” has their eyes burned out upon looking in their rear view mirror. Needless  to say, there were hundreds of casualties for the trip out to Glendale Heights.
2. Riot Inside arrives at the venue to play. Stefan (the other guitarist) furious from hearing “Crazy Train” blaring over the speakers, assumes it is another guitarist challenging him, so he plugs in and shreds against the recording, causing the guitar track to sputter and eventually fade out(believe me Crazy Train without Randy Rhoads sounds terrible). Fifteen peoples’ faces melt in the process.
3. Lew Jones watches the Bulls game intimidating Carmello Anthony through the T.V. When Lew Jones leaves for a bathroom break, Melo hits the game winning shot, much to the chagrin of Lew. Lew takes his anger out on the Earth by going back in time and creating what is now called the “Grand Canyon” (you’re welcome Arizona).
4. Riot Inside does sound check in which the sound guy tells Lew that the Vetta II amp is tampering with the pacemaker inside of his chest, and that therefore Lew is unable to play it. Lew switches to the JCM 800, and proceeds to begin the set.
5. Riot Inside plays the first two songs, when “The Vetta II” takes its frustration at not being played, out on a speaker cabinet near it. It sets the cabinet ablaze causing Riot Inside to stop the show in order for the security to take the cabinet outside and clear the smoke. After successfully getting the speaker outside, the security guys turn to come back into the building, the Vetta II however had other plans. It sabotages a US fighter plane and sends it to the security guys location, it programs the plane to fire a missile which blows up the cabinet along with all of them.
6. Riot Inside finishes the rest of their set, and then goes home pissed that it was cut short. “The Vetta II” sitting in the backseat of Lew’s car plots its revenge against the JCM 800 sitting in the back of Stefan’s car.

So anyway, you guys see what we had to put up with. Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving, I know I did, we had deep-fried Bald Eagle.

Your God,

Lewis F. Jones