The One True God Gearing up for the Studio

As we work through pre-production, one of our biggest focal points going into the studio is to make sure our gear is all set up and ready to go. No matter what kind of studio production techniques an engineer or producer might try to employ, if an artist’s gear isn’t up to snuff, the recording will never sound as good as it should. As we go through this process, we want to highlight what we are using in the studio and what we are doing to get our gear to sound its best. This week, Lew discusses his own special technique for getting his gear, his sound, and his pure godlike awesomeness ready to be captured by a mortal studio….

 

Sigh, well as was requested per all of my bandmates, I am to explain what I use as gear for the studio and how I prepare. This will be insanely boring, and by the end, I will have most assuredly jumped out of the window of my first floor apartment(heaven) and fallen to my death. Believe you me, I would much rather prefer to tell you of my awesome godly experiences while I visited some of Riot Insides biggest fans in the Crab Nebula, I would also like to tell you how I prepared myself by battling Gorgons, and other awesomely cool creatures while visiting some of the other planets in the Milky Way. But noooooooo, my bandmates wanted this, I didn’t. I wanted to tell you these stories, but really, the way I train is unlike any other.

Now in your mind, because we all know that Riot Inside fans have the most brilliant minds in the universe, I would like you to cue the Rocky music. First of all, in order to prepare for the studio one needs a fabulous body, stamina, and fruitful loins. These things I, your God, possess. So there wasn’t much training needed. But, being the glutton for punishment I am, I had to do something. Soooo I trained harder than ever before. I reached the summit of Mount Everest in two minutes. Now I would like to explain. You see I walked up to the mountain and played a power chord. The one un-heard in this world since when I caused the dinosaurs to become extinct. It is called a J chord, and when played it decimates the target of my choosing. Well ladies and gentlemen, I aimed for the summit of Everest, and with one mighty strum, with my volume on 1. The entire mountain collapsed into sand. Yes sand, my playing is so mighty that it turned the mountain into not boulders, not rubble, but sand. Yes I’m saying I turned the once mighty mountain, into the greatest beach ever created. The people thanked me and now, in Tibet they worship me.

Now as your God I don’t advertise, but I use a line 6 Vetta II amp, which is very rare. Not, because few mortals have it, because they do, although mine is different. (Clearing my throat and using my most demonic of voices) Crafted in hell, by the devils artisans, this amp has been involved in some of the most heinous events in world history. The Titanic sank, by crashing into this amp. The Hindenberg went up in flames, when the amp was plugged up inside sending a spark that would destroy the whole damn thing. The amp also was the cause of the Red Sox losing the World Series for the last twenty of the 85 years, since then, it was kept under home plate at the stadium. When discovered in 2004 they sold it on the black market, every owner died, until it was placed on sale at Guitar Center, and I bought it. Now it is in my possession.

Now, you may be asking yourself “God… how are you able to use a weapon made of pure evil, and not become corrupt yourself?” Well my children, it’s simple, my Gibson Les Paul which was crafted in heaven by the four archangels was given to me one day. I was in the park while a terrible thunderstorm was going on, I was standing in the middle of an open field with a sword in the air hoping to get struck by lightning for no other reason than to do it (because as a God, I am invincible). A bolt hit less than three inches from my side and there floating above the ground with cherubs flying around it was my orange Gibson Les Paul. It is the only one of its kind to exist in the world. With my mighty setup which is mightier than all other guitarists in all worlds, I am able to lay waste to everyone I come into contact with. As a God, I need not waste time with pedals, because I just simply look at my amp and it changes channels on my whim.

Well my children, it is time that I must go, because there  is a small child somewhere trying to learn guitar and it is my job to melt his little six year old face, because he will never be as good as me, no matter how hard he tries. I do all these things because I can.

 

Your God of Rock,

Lewis F. Jones

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